Putting Off Gossip

Proverbs 11:13--"A talebearer revealeth secrets: but he that is of a faithful spirit concealeth the matter"
Proverbs 16:28--"A froward man soweth strife: and a whisperer separateth chief friends."
Proverbs 18:8--"The words of a talebearer are as wounds, and they go down into the innermost parts of the belly."
Proverbs 20:19--"He that goeth about as a talebearer revealeth secrets: therefore meddle not with him that flattereth with his lips."
Proverbs 26:20--"Where no wood is, there the fire goeth out: so where there is no talebearer, the strife ceaseth."

Those who know scripture, know how God feels about gossip. We know that God hates it. We know that we ought not to do it. So, why do we? From these verses we see the destruction of a "talebearer" or "gossip." We see that they wound, they set emotions aflame, they sow strife, they destroy friendships. On the other hand, we see what happens when gossip is stopped:the fire goes out, the strife ceases. How tragic it is to see Christian people justifying gossip on the grounds of "I just want you to be informed." No, in actuality, you want me to listen to your gossip and start spreading slander about the person you are trying to "inform" me about. How disgusting that this has crept its way into the minds and hearts of believers--this thought that as long as we are talking about someone we don't know, it's okay to slander, it's okay to gossip, it's okay to believe the other side without hearing both sides.

The book of James deals with the matter of our tongue and it's destructive influences:
 "Not many of you should become teachers, my brothers, for you know that we who teach will be judged with greater strictness. For we all stumble in many ways. And if anyone does not stumble in what he says, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle his whole body. If we put bits into the mouths of horses so that they obey us, we guide their whole bodies as well. Look at the ships also: though they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are guided by a very small rudder wherever the will of the pilot directs. So also the tongue is a small member, yet it boasts of great things.
   How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire! And the tongue is a fire, a world of unrighteousness. The tongue is set among our members, staining the whole body, setting on fire the entire course of life, and set on fire by hell. For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and sea creature, can be tamed and has been tamed by mankind, but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God. From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so. Does a spring pour forth from the same opening both fresh and salt water? Can a fig tree, my brothers, bear olives, or a grapevine produce figs? Neither can a salt pond yield fresh water." (3:1-12, ESV)

It is amazing how much damage our speech can cause; it  is amazing how much we neglect to even think about the things that come out of our mouths. We see it's damage; we see how it is wrong, so let's do something about it! Remember those verses from Proverbs? "he that is faithful in spirit concealeth a matter." How neat would it be for one of us to be regarded as "faithful in spirit" because we know how to control our tongue to only speak what is edifying. I think the picture in 26:20 goes well with the illustration of fire in James 3: "Where no wood is, there the fire goeth out: so where there is no talebearer, the strife ceaseth." If we want to stop the spread of the wildfire of gossip, stop being a gossip.

Now the Bible is choc full of illustrations of what is known as the "put off-put on" principle: "But that is not the way you learned Christ!—assuming that you have heard about him and were taught in him, as the truth is in Jesus, to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness" (Ephesians 4:20-24). Every day we are to put off the sins that "so easily beset us" (Heb. 12:1) and put on the new self, the self that is living to please God in everything.

So if we are to "put off" gossip, what are we to "put on"? The passage says true righteousness and holiness. A later verse answers the question more specifically: "Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying that it may minister grace to the hearers." So, we are to "put off" corrupt speech (gossip, slander, lying, etc) and put on edifying, grace-filled speech. So what does that look like? I will tell you what it does not mean, but I will also tell you what it means.

It does not mean that we never say something when someone is doing wrong. I had a teacher tell me this once. I believe he was wrong on this. Of course, if you believe someone is doing wrong, you should tell them first, but if they will not listen to you, talk to someone who can do something about it. There is a difference between being a gossip and being a Christian concerned about the spiritual lives of others. The only time you should tell anyone about someone else it should be 1) to compliment the person, or 2) to ask advice (to a seasoned Christian) about what to do in situation x.

This does mean, however, that you stop spreading things you've heard about people. This is where the game of telephone illustrates well. One person starts with a message and by the end of the chain of people, the message is so twisted that it no longer is the same message. Gossip is so destructive. It tears down people's testimonies, ministries, etc. One piece of gossip started by an angry person can quickly turn into a wild fire that no one can calm. Soon, no one can tell fact from fiction, no one knows the "real story" because everyone has listened to the gossip and made judgment calls on people they don't know based on one-sided "evidence."

So, be cautious. Are you spreading gossip? Or are you speaking truth that will nurture and build up other believers. We must be careful that our well-intended remarks don't wander into the realm of destructive gossip. A quick and easy test for gossip is this: Are you part of the problem? Are you part of the solution? If the answer to either is yes, then deal accordingly with the issue. If the answer to either is no, then don't say anything and mind your own business.